A love letter to awkwardness—thoughts from a boudoir photographer

Awkwardness shows up a lot in my lifestyle boudoir photo shoots.

Not because something’s going wrong, but because standing in front of a camera in your underthingies isn’t exactly part of casual Friday.

And I think it is very important to pay attention to this.

So that’s where we usually begin.

“Are you comfortable?”

I asked after a few ‘poses’.

They laughed. “Not really.”

It wasn’t defensive or dramatic. Just matter-of-fact. But also honest. Some people might not even admit it. They did, which was very brave of them as well.

I asked what we could do to change that. They didn’t know. I didn’t push because I knew that would only increase the awkwardness.

They had been standing, posing in a way that clearly didn’t feel a 100% right. So I asked them to sit however they would if they were alone. That’s where we started.

Then I moved on to another pose, and I started putting out feelers, trying to figure out what takes their mind of things. In this case, we imagined that someone cute outside had noticed them.

This isn’t some magical moment in which you suddenly feel ‘empowered’ or whatever. It’s just figuring out what works better than what came before.

Awkward isn’t a problem

There’s this idea that you have to get over the awkwardness to have a good session. You don’t. You just need to stop fighting it. Most people walk in feeling stiff and unsure. That doesn’t make them difficult to photograph. It makes them human.

They weren’t doing anything wrong. They were simply aware of themselves in a way that most of us are when we’re being looked at. They didn’t need to fix it. I didn’t need them to pretend to be confident. We just kept going in a slow pace:

And at one point, they stopped looking at me for ‘approval’ of how they were ‘posing’. They just did what felt natural to them in that moment, in that particular pose, in their story really. They started to speak differently. Not necessarily louder, but with a little less hesitation.

By the end of the session, they danced to Cotton Eye Joe.

Don’t worry, I don’t expect y’all to do that. It’s just something that happened when they stopped trying to get it ‘right’.

I absolutely love it when my clients ‘blossom’ during the session. That’s what my lifestyle boudoir sessions are about after all. Not the fancy poses (though we can absolutely try those—they can be fun), not even always the lighting, but these moment of pure joy.

What awkwardness actually is

Awkwardness gets treated like something that needs to be overcome. Like it’s a flaw that’s standing in the way of a real experience.

I don’t see it that way. It’s just part of being aware of yourself. Which is a completely normal when someone points a camera at you.

People think it means they aren’t ready. That they shouldn’t do a session until they feel more relaxed in their body, or more sure of themselves. But if everyone waited until they feel “ready,” I’d have no one to photograph 😲.

Awkwardness is not a problem to solve. It’s not something I need you to get past before we start. It’s just one of the things that will be in the room with us. Like nerves. Or silence. It’ll be there for a while, and that’s just fine.

This is how a lifestyle boudoir session with me actually goes

I will give you some direction. There’s some posing. But it’s not rigid. I suggest something, and we adjust. You’re not expected to know what to do.

We work with what shows up. If what shows up is awkwardness, that’s fine. We’ll let it be there. It usually dissolves on its own.

What matters is that we don’t get stuck there. That we don’t try to force through it, or pretend it’s not happening, or wait for some fake version of confidence to appear. We work with what’s there.

I’m the Swiss lifestyle boudoir photographer for you if …

You agree that this kind of photography isn’t about looking sexy.

It’s about not needing to look like anything in particular. You just want to see yourself without filters, both literal and metaphorical.

You definitely don’t need to feel confident to do this. You don’t need to prepare your angles or practice your poses. You can show up feeling unsure and still end up with images that feel like you.

The awkwardness doesn’t ruin the experience. It’s part of it.

Curious what this actually feels like?